We all know them...the folks who MUST CONTROL EVERYTHING.
Perhaps it’s the mother-in-law who you secretly call “Controller of the Universe,” or the boss at work who has to have a hand in every little detail of your work, or the parent who directs every aspect of their child’s life. However well- meaning controlling people might be, their actions often result in alienation, resentment and a lack of intimacy with loved ones. When they have a choice, people don’t usually like to be around controlling individuals. Take this quiz to see how controlling you might be.
True OR False
Set 1
1. I discourage the people around me from expressing anger, fear or sadness.
2. I know what’s best for others; that’s why they should listen to what I have to say. I’m only trying to help them.
3. I’d rather do most things myself.
4. When people go against my suggestions, I tend to withdraw my affection; when they do what I say, I’ll lavish the praise.
5. I take it as disloyalty or personal rejection when others act or feel differently than I do.
6. When I’m in a relationship, I want to know where my significant other is all the time.
7. I am easily irritated, especially by others’ incompetence or rebelliousness.
8. When watching television with others, I have to have the remote. Similarly, when in a car with others, I feel uncomfortable unless I’m the driver.
Set 2
1. I encourage others to express their true feelings around me.
2. I would rather people be themselves than try to please me, and that they do things out of choice, not obligation.
3. It doesn’t bother me when others question or disagree with me. In fact, I enjoy a lively debate.
4. I steer clear of micromanaging family members or employees, and instead encourage independence and independent thinking.
5. I choose not to focus on power, prestige or perfection; I hold others to be the best they can be—and true to themselves.
6. I find it easy to relax, laugh or be spontaneous.
7. I value stability and consistency, and don’t get caught up in chaos and drama.
8. Getting someone to do something by yelling at them isn’t something that works for me.
If you answered true more often in Set 1 and false more often in Set 2, you may wish to examine where your urge to control is coming from. Most often, fear is the deep culprit. Learning how to approach and handle fear in a positive manner helps us accept others—and ourselves—better. And doing so sets us up for better relationships, better health and better self-esteem.
*Disclaimer: For information purposes only
