The Importance of Presence in Relationships

The Importance of Presence in Relationships

By Bryce Astill, 360 Mentor

Have you ever been driving down the highway thinking about how your day has gone and missed your exit? How many times have you been in a meeting or talking with friends and have found yourself lost in your own thoughts only to come to realize you haven't heard a word that has been said? In short, how often does your busy head take you away from what is happening right here and now? If you answer honestly, most would say quite often! Perhaps the better question is what is the cost of missing out on these moments? The cost can be great in a lot of areas of our lives, however one of the most important areas is in our relationships with friends and family.

Here is a simple definition of relationship: a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection). With connectedness being the key word in this definition, herein lies the struggle.

Today more than ever we have so many distractions. With our smarter than ever phones we have Internet and email at our finger tips as well as instant text messaging. These days it is rare to not have conversations interrupted by these technological wonders. If you have a teenager with a cell phone you are almost 100% guaranteed to be interrupted.

There is a study that suggests 93% of our communication is non-verbal and only 7% verbal. With these percentages, it is clear how much we miss when not paying attention in our interactions with others.

We miss the subtle ques of nervousness, anxiousness, fear, excitement, or the many other emotions that our bodies express as we communicate.

Here are some simple practices to help you stay more present in your relationships. Before trying them, think about how present you are in your conversations with others? How present is your child when you talk to them? Then try these simple recommendations to help improve your presence in relationship.

First: Use your sense of sight and sound. Look at the person you're speaking with, watch their facial expressions and look them in the eye. Listen not only to what they are saying but also how they are saying it; pay attention to their intonation. Really listen to everything they have to say and then take a breath or two before responding. This breath can help you respond rather than react to what they are saying.

Second: Commit to not using your electronic devices during conversations. We all have voicemail and the reality is most conversations can wait a few minutes. You'd be amazed how people respond to you when you ignore a call to continue speaking with them! If you're driving, turn off the radio during conversations or if you're at home turn off the television. Eliminating these external distractions can also help you remain present.

Third: If your busy head begins to take you somewhere else or something the other person says brings up judgements, past pain, or a strong internal reaction, simply come back to the moment by listening again. You might also try feeling your feet on the ground and wiggling your toes. Believe it or not this can bring your mind and body back to what's happening in the moment.

By repeating these simple practices you will begin to notice the subtleties of conversations and it will become easier to recognize when someone is struggling, reaching out to you, or simply excited and happy.

Learning to be present in your relationships may be one of the most valuable tools at your disposal. A good quote that sums it up well is, " 90% of parenting is just being there." -unknown-

If you are interested in exploring the idea of presence in relationships you might look into Mind-Body Bridging. This method incorporates a wide variety of awareness practices as well as mind mapping to help you develop a deeper awareness of yourself as well as providing tools for learning how to be present in each moment. Bryce Astill, 360 Mentor, has been a board certified Mind-Body Bridging instructor since 2007. For more information on this method go to www.Bridgingforlife.com.