Frequently Asked Questions by Parents

Most teens don’t talk a lot with their parents. Keep communication channels open by talking about things that interest your son. Show respect for your teen and respect his privacy and struggles. Choose your battles and think about what is really important. Look for positive male role models for your son—maybe neighbors, older cousins or other relatives.

Continue to monitor your son. Know what he is doing, where he is, whom he’s with, how he got there, and how and when he’ll get home.

I am a parent of a struggling teen. Despite the pressure to take action and choose a program, I am concerned about making a mistake. How do I make a selection I can live with? 

Do not pick a program or school impulsively. Choose only after careful and detailed explorations. In addition to obtaining a therapeutic consultant's recommendations, you, as the parent, need to have a detailed and extensive conversation with administrative, academic, and clinical personnel, especially when you are considering a program that is in a distant location. Do not accept a program on the basis of cost. Yes, I know many of the programs and schools are expensive and as a parent you may be tempted to save money by choosing a program for your child that is the least expensive available. This could be a costly mistake for your child.  Find the best fitting program from the start and work to find a cost-effective way for your family to support this need.  It will potentially help avoid major heartaches in the future. Be sure to get detailed information about the other students at the program or school.  

How closely do their needs fit your child's needs?  Ask the program what their "best practices" policy contains. This means treatment approaches, educational models. reputable reading they recommend, peer reviews, etc. Make sure you are at a point where this decision is truly needed. Is this truly in the best interest of your child? Do not make a decision out of anger or frustration, or the consequences could truly damage your family relationships. Also, do not withhold the decision to get your teen help because of your own feelings of "loss". 

At times getting outside help is truly necessary. Do not select a program just because it is close to home. This may ease your pain of separation, however, most times this is not in the best interest of the teen. That distance of an airplane trip or long car ride can be a breath of fresh air much needed by everyone. 
 

I caught my teen visiting inappropriate Web sites and posting inappropriate content online. What should I do?

Set rules and consequences for online activity before there are problems. Situations vary, so it’s up to you to decide on the right consequence. You could restrict computer time or other privileges; require your teen to remove a profile from a social networking site; or implement monitoring technologies. Remember to set limits for use of other technologies, too. If your teen goes over the limit on cell phone minutes or text messages, remove phone privileges. You could also review the bill together each month. This way, your teen can explain overages and you can see who she is texting/calling. Reading up on cell phones, the Internet, and other technologies, will also help you decide on appropriate consequences.

Set clear and age-appropriate guidelines. Explain that the rules are to protect your teen’s safety, not to control or to embarrass your teen.

Is there a kit I can buy for my phone or computer that will tell me if my teen is getting into trouble?

There are some products that may help if you suspect your teen is taking risks. Every situation is different. It is up to you to assess your family’s needs when it comes to monitoring tools.

Many software providers have products to help you filter or monitor Internet use. You can purchase or download many of these from the Internet. Some also are available at computer or electronics stores. Companies such as Guardian Angel Technologies enable parents to monitor their teen’s geographic location via cell phone.

Other software, such as SpectorSoft Corp.’s Spector application, records e-mail, instant messaging, screenshots, and key strokes. While these products are generally effective, many tech-savvy teens can work around them.

DO NOT rely solely on filters and other monitoring devices, instead, combine use of filters with first-hand parental monitoring and ongoing communication.

I’ve been using logical consequences for disciplining my teen yet nothing seems to be working. What else can I do?

Sometimes teens will test a parent’s limits to see what they can get away with. Even though it might be easier to give in “just this once,” stick to the behavior guidelines you’ve set. Take the time and think about why your child might be misbehaving. What else is going on in your child’s life right now? Did they have a difficult day at school? Depending on the age of your child, they might be searching for their independence by testing your limits. Help develop ways for them to feel independent. For example, encourage a special hobby or activity.

Or allow them to take on more responsibility for a family task. Help them become involved in a community project or volunteer work.

What can I do? I’m worried that my teenager could be using drugs.

Remember we can’t control teens’ use of drugs. We can influence them in ways that will make it less likely they will use drugs. You can help to educate your teen about the dangerous effects of drug use. Use magazine articles or TV programs to open communication. Contact local agencies in your area to get written information. Teenagers have a desire for challenges. You can help to create positive challenges in activities such as team sports, bicycling or volunteer projects. Establish clear guidelines that emphasize your need to know where your kids are when they’re away from home for extended periods and who they are with at all times. Talk with other parents and agree on certain issues such as beginning/ending times for parties and a no-drugs-or-alcohol policy. When your teen comes home at night, be awake.  Don’t grill them. Be aware of the symptoms of drug and alcohol use. Confront your teen when you see specific behaviors you are concerned about. For example, if your teen’s grades have recently gone down, if they have difficulty concentrating and can’t remember things, or if they spend unexplained time away from home, confront your teen. Teach your sons and daughters that drug or alcohol use loosens sexual inhibitions and can cause them to engage in sexual behavior that violates their own standards as well as the law. Learn about and discuss with your teens the new tasteless, odorless drugs that can be slipped into innocent drinks like juice or soda and are often implicated in date rapes. Remember to stay calm, especially when you suspect your teen of using alcohol or drugs.

Becoming angry will not help the situation and could alienate your teen. Seek help from your teen’s school or your local community mental health agency, which will have a licensed drug and alcohol counselor on staff. Al-Anon, a worldwide support group for relatives and friends of problem drinkers, helps many parents of teens or other loved ones with alcohol or drug problems. There are no dues or fees for membership. Meetings are anonymous; people hold in confidence who they see and what they hear during meetings.

For more information about Al-Anon and Alateen visit  www.al-anon.alateen.org.

What is an Educational Consultant?

An education consultant, or independent educational consultant or therapeutic consultant or certified education planner, assists a family in making educational decisions.  You may also consider them an advisor who helps create successful matches between students and programs / schools. The fees that the Education Consultant charges to the family may be hourly, a flat rate for specific services, an annual contract, and for some they offer a sliding scale based on family income. People use an education / therapeutic consultant for a variety of reasons:

• A very specialized situation, such as a child with a learning disability, where specialized industry knowledge can be of great value.
• Because they can. Some families can afford to make this choice, which they feel gives their child an extra edge, and so they do.
• Previous history of a program or school not being a good fit.
• Previous history of success with an education consultant.
• To handle a large-scale or long-distance search. In a situation in which a program or school search does not take place in the immediate area where the family is living, the family may benefit from an education consultant’s breadth of knowledge.
• When parents feel that they cannot give sufficient guidance, which could occur in the case of an exceptional child, a child with behavioral challenges, a child dealing with issues of depression and/or alcohol and drug abuse, for example.

 

When is it appropriate to have "the talk"?

No one knows your children better than you. Just trust your instincts on this one. When you make them comfortable talking to you as children, then they will be comfortable talking with you as teens. When you don’t talk to your children about sex, then television, movies, music, the internet, video games and, of course, their just-as-confused friends will. Wouldn’t you prefer they get the information from you?

HORIZON FAMILY SOLUTIONS, LLC AND TROUBLEDTEENHELP.COM neither endorse, nor are responsible for the accuracy or reliability of any opinion, advice or statement on the TROUBLEDTEENHELP.COM “Site” located at the URL: www.troubledteenhelp.com.com. Under no circumstances will HORIZON FAMILY SOLUTIONS, LLC or TROUBLEDTEENHELP.COM be liable for any loss or damage caused by your reliance on Content obtained through the Content on TROUBLED TEEN HELP Site. It is your responsibility to evaluate the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any Content available through TROUBLEDTEENHELP.COM Site. Please seek the advice of professionals, as appropriate, with respect to your evaluation of any specific Content, including but not limited to financial, health, parenting, or lifestyle Content appearing on the TROUBLEDTEENHELP.COM Site.